The Big Red Barn Body Safety Policy

The Big Red Barn is committed to the safety of every child that walks, crawls, or gets carried through our doors, and this is not a responsibility that we take lightly. Intentionality is the key to all of our policies, which is why we would like to bring awareness to an untouched subject among many parents, educators, and families. It is a hard fact that 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys experience some sort of sexual abuse before the age of 18, and many of us have not been properly exposed to grooming techniques that many predators use. While this can be a very hard topic for many, it is one that The Big Red Barn would like to help shatter the silence around. The more we know, the more we can do to help protect the things that mean the absolute most to us, our children.

Knowing this, we have created new policies to help our staff teach children appropriate boundaries when it comes to relationships outside of their guardians. For most, childcare is the first exposure children have to creating meaningful and deep bonds with adults who are not directly related to them. Because of this, we have realized how important it is for us to be the first to help children navigate these boundaries.

The Big Red Barn is committed to feeling like a home away from home for you and your children. The love we carry daily for each and everyone of these kids is immense which is why every single one of our dedicated educators have committed to the below policies to help continue to build loving, compassionate, strong, and aware children. Thank you for trusting us with your kiddos it is an honor and a blessing❤️

Body Safety Protocol

Adults are not alone with a child unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary for any reason they will alert another adult where they are going and why, so they can be aware of how long they should be out of sight. Within this policy the areas that adults would take children in our facility are open spaces to ensure a line of sight at all times. For example, bathroom doors remain open and classrooms all have windows. So that there are no spaces without easy visibility.
Children’s clothing is on at all times. Clothes are removed only as needed for the bathroom and to change dirty or wet clothing. If they remove them for fun, like children sometimes do, our staff will tell them “We always have our clothes on, it’s one of your body safety rules.”
Children should always be given the reason they are being touched, and if the touching is in relation to the bathroom or changing of clothes, it should be as brief as possible. In the case of going to the bathroom, before touching their private parts, they will state out loud what they are doing. Such as “I am helping to get you clean right now.” or “We are changing your clothes to help keep you clean.”
Our staff will always use anatomically correct language for body parts, such as “penis”, “testicles” or “vagina”. We encourage families to join us in this choice and to never use nicknames for body parts. The only shorthand that is approved for our staff is the term “private parts”. For example the staff might say that they are “going to help clean your private parts”, or that they keep their clothes on to “cover their private parts.”

Physical Touch

Touch is often required for the proper care of your children, as well as to show the necessary comfort and love needed to support them fully.

It is a disturbing truth that most child sexual abuse happens with a person the child knows and cares about – a teacher, a coach, a family member or good friend of the family for example. What they learn at this critical age can make all the difference. Below are policies of The Big Red Barn to create clear guidelines and boundaries around physical touch.

Staff should ask permission for physical contact whenever possible to give them a sense of agency over their bodies. Such as “Can I give you a hug?” instead of “Give me a hug?”. If they are older they may ask permission to help get them clean. If they are younger, and definitely need assistance, they will announce what they are doing and why. For instance, a Pre-K staff might say “Can I help you?” knowing they will likely get acceptance and consent. However, we know that a younger child may be crying and upset while being changed from soiling their clothing. In that case they need help and may not be in the mind space to offer consent, so you would announce what you are doing clearly, such as “I am helping to get you clean.”
Staff will use the term “you are the boss of your body”. We understand we are teaching them what should be normal and acceptable when it comes to their bodies outside of the home and with non-family members. We believe this language and clarity will also empower them within the home and help create the necessary self confidence to use their voice wherever it may be needed. We take our role in this boundary setting chapter of their lives very seriously.
There is no tickling permitted at the Big Red Barn. We acknowledge this is often done in a light hearted manner and even to bond. However, this is a common grooming technique for pedophiles and we do not want children to identify this as normal outside of closer relationships, like their parents. Tickling at its core is often based on the idea that the child says “stop” and you keep going. Which is the opposite of what we want to teach them. For these reasons tickling is not permitted.
If they hug a staff member, they can hug them back. However, we should never demand hugs, or other similar forms of affection. This includes telling one child to hug another. They will offer other forms of connection such as knuckles or high fives, and even those are still a child’s choice. They should not be told they must do this.
Kissing is not permitted, even when done on the forehead or cheek in a lighthearted manner. That is a form of physical touch that our staff will not engage in.
Lap sitting is so common at this early age that it may not seem intimate, however we recognize the reality that this can be an intimate form of physical touch. We acknowledge this can be challenging because when a child is upset they sometimes want to be comforted physically. Our staff will always wait for the child to make this choice. They will not pick them up to put them on their lap, even if it is to comfort. If a child is upset they will get at their level and affirm their feelings. They can sit down right next to them for comfort. They may pat their back or put an arm around a shoulder, but they will not encourage them to sit on their lap. If they ask to do this, it is permitted, but must be the child’s choice.
If they ask us not to touch them, and it is a moment where that can be honored without affecting their safety or wellness, we will use this as a great chance to honor that choice. Staff will say something like “Okay, thank you for telling me. You are the boss of your body.” They are taught not to signal disappointment, as this is manipulative. Instead we will encourage this use of their voice.

Secret Keeping

We do not keep secrets at the Big Red Barn. We may have some surprises, but we do not use the word “secret”. What may appear to be a harmless secret such as “you can have an extra snack, but don’t tell anyone I gave it to you” can actually be very harmful. A surprise is something that everyone will find out. A secret is something they are told not to tell anyone, ever. There is no version of secrets that is appropriate in our environment. This is a grooming tactic commonly used.

We Pay Attention and Listen

Our staff will be paying attention and listening to your children for any signs that may be concerning. If they notice anything out of the normal behavior for that age group, or out of ordinary for your child, they will alert Ashley right away. We do not shy away from these topics, because predators count on that awkwardness to cause people to miss the signs and not take the importance of our language and behavior seriously.

Thank you for being a part of the Body Safety Team at the Big Red Barn. We consider ourselves partners with you to ensure your children have the most incredible care possible.

We welcome any thoughts or questions on this topic, our door is always open. If you would like to learn more about how you and your family can be more knowledgeable on sexual abuse prevention we highly recommend this training course “Parenting Safe Children” where you will learn signs to be aware of, how to interview schools and other adults who will spend time with your children, and the language you can be using to empower your child.